OPINION: Finding love tends to be much harder with a physical disability
By Adam Goodman, who is a Noorwood service user.
Adam Goodman is in his 30s, single and Jewish. He is a keen reader, loves comics, Italian food, lives in north London and has been dating on and off (with varying degrees of success) for years. Despite this, he’s still optimistic that Ms Right will come along one day soon. He sounds just like anyone else on the Jewish dating scene, but Adam has a mild learning disability – and is supported by Norwood. Here’s what he has to say about his search for love…
I don’t know why it’s harder for people with disabilities to date, but it is.
I have an obvious physical disability and some people can’t see past it. I hate the word ignorant but in this case it’s the word I’d use to describe people who don’t bother to look beneath the surface.
It’s shallow. You should never judge a book by its cover, even if the cover is torn and tatty. Don’t try and work out what’s wrong with someone.
Try to find out what’s right. Look past the disability.
I might have one, but people tell me I’m kind, easy-going and laid- back. I like cosy nights in or walks in the park or on the beach.
I was born in the Chinese Year of the Dog and that really sums me up: I’m like a dog – hardworking and loyal.
People say it’s harder for Jewish people to find their other halves because there’s a smaller pool to choose from. Just think how much harder it is if you have a disability as well.
It may be how I was brought up, but I would like to go out with a Jewish girl – not because of the religious aspect as such but because of the tradition and the family values.
My last long-term girlfriend was Jewish.
Maybe people consider me boring because I don’t go out all the time. I’m not in with the in-crowd. I don’t have the latest technology or clothes and don’t keep up with the Joneses.
I’ve not done too badly just by being me, but right now I don’t go out much, so I don’t meet people.
I don’t go nightclubbing. I have a problem with my ears and even though I enjoy the music I know I’ll get tinnitus the next day. And you can’t get to know anyone in a nightclub, can you?
The road to love is paved with good intentions but if you’re not very outgoing it can be hard, not just for dating, for everything.
I don’t want to go speed-dating but maybe I’d go on a blind date. I haven’t tried dating on the internet; I don’t like the idea – you hear all sorts of stories. And you never know who you’re meeting online.
I don’t drink, and going to the pub for a soft drink isn’t the same. I don’t know quite how to put this, but it doesn’t help that I’m a little bit eccentric.
I collect rare figurines and I’ve got an Amazon habit. My room is like an old curiosity shop. I’m not shy but I’m happiest when I’m leafing through comic books and collectibles at the Forbidden Planet store.
I’d like to go out with someone who isn’t disabled. If you’ve got one disability and they’ve got another, they don’t always mix well.
Sometimes there can be a clash. The perfect partner doesn’t exist. If someone has the same interests as you, or doesn’t mind the same things as you, then that’s good.
I want someone who’s fun to talk to – not someone boring. Someone I can have a proper laugh with. She would also need to put up with a room filled with figurines and not mind my oddities. She’d have to like Italian food though: pizza, linguine, tagliatelle. I love it all. If she didn’t like it too, then she’d have to like kissing someone with garlic breath!
Thank you for helping to make Jewish News the leading source of news and opinion for the UK Jewish community. Today we're asking for your invaluable help to continue putting our community first in everything we do.
For as little as £5 a month you can help sustain the vital work we do in celebrating and standing up for Jewish life in Britain.
Jewish News holds our community together and keeps us connected. Like a synagogue, it’s where people turn to feel part of something bigger. It also proudly shows the rest of Britain the vibrancy and rich culture of modern Jewish life.
You can make a quick and easy one-off or monthly contribution of £5, £10, £20 or any other sum you’re comfortable with.
100% of your donation will help us continue celebrating our community, in all its dynamic diversity...
Engaging
Being a community platform means so much more than producing a newspaper and website. One of our proudest roles is media partnering with our invaluable charities to amplify the outstanding work they do to help us all.
Celebrating
There’s no shortage of oys in the world but Jewish News takes every opportunity to celebrate the joys too, through projects like Night of Heroes, 40 Under 40 and other compelling countdowns that make the community kvell with pride.
Pioneering
In the first collaboration between media outlets from different faiths, Jewish News worked with British Muslim TV and Church Times to produce a list of young activists leading the way on interfaith understanding.
Campaigning
Royal Mail issued a stamp honouring Holocaust hero Sir Nicholas Winton after a Jewish News campaign attracted more than 100,000 backers. Jewish Newsalso produces special editions of the paper highlighting pressing issues including mental health and Holocaust remembrance.
Easy access
In an age when news is readily accessible, Jewish News provides high-quality content free online and offline, removing any financial barriers to connecting people.
Voice of our community to wider society
The Jewish News team regularly appears on TV, radio and on the pages of the national press to comment on stories about the Jewish community. Easy access to the paper on the streets of London also means Jewish News provides an invaluable window into the community for the country at large.
We hope you agree all this is worth preserving.
