What the bloomin’ heck is going on? With showbiz reporter Mrs Frankowitz

Welcome back to my column, showbiz addicts.

Hasn’t the weather been lovely? I even went and bought a new sundress for five pounds from the shop that used to be Le Pop in Golders Green, but it started raining seconds later. Typical.

Anyway – what about Lena Dunham, the precocious one from Girls, eh?

Apparently she’s got a right old bee in her bonnet because someone in Hollywood – dunno who –  labelled her “the Woody Allen of her generation.” Thinking about it , they are quite similar; both short, both Jewish, both film makers – they could be twins! Hmm. But where they differ is that they don’t both have daughters who’ve renewed allegations of a sexual nature against them.

I see her issue now.

Hetty and I have spoken at length about this and can’t seem to get past the fact that Lena looks just like our butcher.

My favourite musical Jewesses, Haim, are in the UK touring and if my grandson Joseph pulls his finger out, I may even get to see them in Norwich. Unlikely though because he is selfish and won’t drive me to Norwich. For those who don’t know Este, Danielle and Alana they are three sisters from the US who sing and play guitars and have knotted hair down to their feet. I wonder if they pay someone to brush it for them. I would if I were famous.

I nearly fainted when I found out Cheryl Cole’s returning to The X Factor for over a million quid. Bit greedy isn’t it? Doesn’t she have enough money? And I thought she and Simon came to blows when she had nothing to say for herself last time? I now think that was all a load of rubbish. I think she should give all the money to charity. Or me. Or you.

Poor Justin Bieber. He’s in a right state because there are loads of videos on the internet circulating of him falling asleep in a lawyer’s office. He looks ever so stressed. I really do wish people would leave him alone. He’s only 20 bless him, that’s 7 years since his Barmitzvah!

Lastly – they’ve given Michael McIntyre a chat show. They’ll be sorry. Lily Allen was on it looking quite pretty and then Alan Sugar came on looking like a little goblin with a stick up his tuchus. Love him!