EXCLUSIVE: Green Party rocked by leader’s former ‘Herzl’ identity

Consternation has broken out within the Green Party after a Jewish News expose revealed its leader used to go by a different name.

Based on conversations with members of the Manchester Jewish community, including local leader Esther McGiller, we can reveal the former actor and hypnotist known as Zack Polanski grew up rejoicing in the full name of ‘David Theodor Herzl Paulden’.

“For years, we’ve been told that Zack Polanski changed his name from David Paulden in order to reclaim his Jewish heritage – which makes perfect sense, as everyone knows the name ‘David’ is basically unheard of in Judaism’, said Asa Uwesfull-Idyotte, who identified himself as the founder of Young Greens at Eton.

“But this new information about his former middle names is hard to take. Our party needs to be above suspicion – which is why I’ve tabled an amendment to the ‘Zionism is Racism’ motion due to be debated at party conference. My change would make it mandatory for all Zionists to wear an identifying badge if we win power at the next election.”

Others in the party took a different view.

“At first, I thought it was concerning”, said Moishe Pipick – a longstanding Green Party member of several months and founder of the Jewish Voice for Tokens group together with his wife Shanda.

“But then I remembered that the average anti-Zionist doesn’t know which river and sea are being referred to with regards to the chant ‘from the river to the sea’, so the chances they would have heard of Herzl are extremely slim.”

One Jewish political commentator even suggested the revelation could help Polanski in future.

“Herzl’s most famous maxim is ‘If you will it, it is no dream’”, they told Jewish News.

“Polanski could cite this line if he is ever questioned on the Green Party’s ludicrous economic policies.”

The Greens were not contacted for comment.

• Tradition dictates coming clean after the festival, but we thought it fairer to fess up early. This is, of course, a Purim spiel.