Leap of faith: How (not) to be a parent

If you’re looking for guidelines on ‘How NOT to bring up your children’, you need look no further than the book of Genesis. A couple of weeks ago, we were introduced to the parenting techniques of Isaac and Rebekah as they showed favouritism to their twin sons Esau and Jacob respectively. And next week in the Torah we will read about one of those sons, Jacob, singling out one of his twelve for special attention, thereby alienating the other eleven.

Another place not to look for such guidance is the United States of America. Of course, safely distanced from the book of Genesis, we all think our children can do no wrong, but it surely cannot be right to create situations that encourage them to believe that they are above the law. Yet in what many see as a flagrant abuse of power, the outgoing President, Joe Biden, has used his position to issue a pardon to his son Hunter.

This is not the place to argue the rights and wrongs of the political machinations taking place in the USA. But perhaps it is significant that the decision to issue the pardon to Hunter came after the Biden family had gathered for Thanksgiving at their family retreat. Regardless of one’s position in society, the bond that connects us to our offspring is a powerful one. And traditional family gatherings – often fraught and tense, as anyone organising a family Seder meal will know (!) – are, nevertheless, moments where identity is shaped and lifelong influences affirmed.

Perhaps a better place to look in the Bible for parental guidance is the book of Proverbs, a store of ancient wisdom that can often surprise us with its insights. “Do not withhold discipline from a child,” we read in chapter 23. “If you beat them with a rod they will not die” (v13). And earlier in the same book we are assured that “The one who spares the rod hates their child, but the one who loves them disciplines them early” (13:24). Of course, this is not meant to be taken literally. Numerous laws now forbid a parent or anyone to beat a child, but the metaphor is clear: it’s about managing their behaviour.

The decision by outgoing President Biden to pardon his son is a consequence of the state of American politics and its justice system as well as an example – misplaced or otherwise – of family loyalty. As the quotes from Proverbs indicate, the way to avoid such issues is to instil correct understanding in a child from an early age: ‘You shall teach them to your children,” states the Sh’ma (Deut: 6:7). Judaism’s emphasis on education is surely the key to good parenting.