The Date Doctor

Our personal development coach Jo Barnett shares the secrets to successful relationships!

HOW DO I ATTRACT GUYS I’LL BE INTERESTED IN?

Dear Jo,

I’m a professional woman in my early forties. I have a great life, including wonderful friends and family. I am really career driven and I am dedicating lots of time to my new company. I am a children’s therapist and so most guys want to talk to me about my work or their problems and I want someone I can look up to and learn from as well!

Many guys ask me out on dates and I have stopped going. I just don’t have time to waste with guys that are not right for me. How do I go about attracting the guys I will be interested in?

Louise

Dear Louise,

It sounds like most of your life is in great shape, the guy will be the icing on the cake! I suggest you start looking to meet guys in places where you will find better matches. Focus on what interests you most and then pick out events that will attract like-minded people. It may be talks and workshops around your subject, tennis or filmmaking. Start spending more time around guys you are going to have things in common with. Turn on the charm, the smile and when you turn up, make the most of all the opportunities. Initiate a simple conversation and get chatting to the guys, in your natural friendly way. Practice developing the conversations and you will find the guys will start asking you out. Good luck.

I STILL DON’T KNOW IF GIRLFRIEND IS ‘THE ONE’

Dear Jo,

I am really torn! I have been dating my girlfriend for more than five years and I feel like time is running out. Both of us are in our mid-thirties and I am being pressurised to make a decision to commit. She has even gone as far as picked our first dance and wedding venue! I don’t know if I am 100 percent sure she is the one and am nervous about making a mistake. How can I know for sure?

Steve

Dear Steve, I hear how pressured you feel and respect that you are taking this seriously. As a  dating coach, one of the first things I do with my clients is a values compatibility exercise. Not only does this give you a greater self-awareness, it doubles as a relationship checklist. You can start by writing down your absolute ‘must haves’. What is essential for you to have in your life so that you feel fulfilled? Anything from exercise to fun and freedom is fine. Then take a look at the relationship and tick off what matches. What you are looking for is more matches than misses. Now, ask yourself, out of those misses, which ones can you live without? On a non-practical note, I ask you to check in with your heart – you have all the answers there! I wish you all the best.

WHERE CAN I MEET SINGLES FACE TO FACE?

Dear Jo,

I am a 39-year-old single guy and wonder if you could suggest some places to go to meet Jewish singles face to face. There does not seem to be much going on in the way of parties and I don’t want to just stick to JDate. Most of my friends are married and I need to broaden my horizons. It would be great to meet some new people and even someone special.

Olli

Dear Olli,

I understand you would rather meet people face to face – it certainly is the best way of connecting instantly. To start with, there are a few pubs where the Jewish crowd seems to hang out at on a Thursday night. Typically, there are lots of singles at the Orange Tree in Totteridge on a Thursday. If this does not take your fancy, then try the Bull and Bush in Hampstead. Another option is to contact Denise Phillips at ‘Date on a Plate’ – she runs a great social dinner party with a twist every Sunday night. If cooking is not your thing, you can always do ‘The Jewish Speed Dating’ and meet over a cocktail at Gilgamesh! I know that the Centre for Jewish Life in central London hosts several Friday night dinners, some small and some huge, depending on your appetite! I hope this has given you some food for thought.

Find more on Jo’s dating website – www.datingcoach.me.uk