Ask Delissa! Dating in lockdown

Dear Delissa

I have been a widow for nearly 7 years now as my husband died not long after he retired. My husband was much older than me, I am in my mid 50’s and I feel that I am too young to be on my own for the rest of my life.

The lockdown has certainly made me realise how much I miss having someone to share my life with.

Not necessarily for love or sex but someone to go out to dinner with, to go to the movies with to share hobbies and passions with.

I know this won’t be possible until society can return to normal but I’d like to start meeting people now but I find online dating agencies a bit daunting.

I don’t mind admitting I find them confusing and scary.

I really would like to meet someone but I don’t know how to go about doing that given the current situation.

Rachel,   N1

Dear Rachel

I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband but I would like to share with you some good news.

For your mother’s generation and certainly your grandmother’s generation there would have been very limited opportunity to meet someone.

For women to be widowed or divorced in previous decades would have meant being pretty much condemned to a single life.  Not so for you.  Many 50 year olds, 60 year olds and indeed even 70 year olds meet someone and re marry.

There is a huge number of singles in the older age groups who sign up to dating agencies.

Dating sites were once considered the last resort but now they are the first. Indeed they are quite empowering for women of all ages.  In yesterday’s world widows were unlikely to marry again, now they do.  So that’s the good news.

The problem is of course that you can’t really meet anyone at the moment.

I was asked the question in a BBC news interview recently about what people can do about this.

My suggestion is that you use lockdown to get to know people on-line – enjoy some conversations and build some relationship. Don’t be afraid to decide that something’s not right for you.  You will need to wade through a lot of the wrong fish in the sea but you will eventually find what you are looking for and then you can arrange to meet when the lockdown is lifted.

It is a scary and daunting process but I suggest you find a site that suits you.  I would think that for you the right site could be an online dating site like JWed  https://www.jwed.com/

They have succeeded in helping 3,500 marriages and while it’s difficult to have a sense of who is marriage minded and who isn’t I do feel that this number of marriages is proof that the site has a good intent.  You have to accept that people will lie so will need to have a good feel for who is deceiving and who isn’t. That happens everywhere all the time but JWed do at least have software that screens for inappropriate behaviour.   You can’t lose by just giving it a go.

Delissa