OPINION: Exam results are not the ‘B-all and end-all

The grades do not maketh the woman. Or man. 

Across the recent ‘A’ level and today’s GCSE results, I’ve spoken to kids in tears who have smashed it, but still don’t feel they’ve done well enough. I’ve spoken to others who have fallen short of passing a particular subject, and they feel they’ve failed everyone.

Many have been part of the so-called Covid-cohort, with its accompanying roller coaster of changing grade boundaries, and whose educational route was profoundly effected by the pandemic.

The parents of those who did well today will proudly, as is their right, let everyone know. Of course, then you’ll get the parents of others who didn’t, privately grumbling that perhaps people should be more ‘sensitive’.

Others are more coy. Collecting my youngest daughter’s results from school today, some families hastily shepherded their bright futures into the car, the teenagers clutching their brown envelopes, preferring to keep to themselves the exact ‘grades’ their kids achieved. What exactly is there to be ashamed of if you didn’t achieve straight 9’s?

You don’t have to be Einstein to realise the whole situation is bonkers.

For anyone who needs to hear it, your grades do NOT define you, your character, your potential nor your worth.

Anyone who says otherwise, or makes you feel anything less than the awesome human being you might be (unless, of course, you are genuinely NOT an awesome human being) is quite frankly, not worthy of your time. Anyone who compares your successes to someone else’s and finds you wanting, is a (insert your own RUDE word here).

Of course kids should work hard at school. Nothing worth having is given for free. They need to learn life lessons. Develop a work ethic. Play nice with other kids. They need to learn to pull their proverbial fingers out and strive for what they want.

But academic success should not be at the very real risk, and often reality, of making themselves mentally unwell and destroying their confidence or sense of self-worth. It’s a piece of paper, not the Holy Grail.

There is still not enough recognition that schools are not a one-size fits all. What’s good for one child is not necessarily good for the other. And society’s and often our own family’s definition of ‘success’ is not always sensible. Or realistic. Or helpful.

I have two daughters – one who thrives in education and the other who does not.

They are completely different people who will, I hope, go on to be happy in what they do, which will likely be very different fields. Nowt wrong with that.

Initially, they were at the same Jewish secondary school. Before very long, we realised that Rosenberg Junior was in completely the wrong environment, emotionally and educationally. The best thing we ever did was take her out and send her elsewhere, where she thrived. And her parole officer was thrilled.

With two teenage daughters comes their circle of friends; and through all of them I have witnessed the stress (often self-induced), the pressure for absolute perfection, the hours and hours and hours of revision, the exhaustion, the frustration, the comparisons with others, and the impossible strains this puts on their mental and physical health.

I went to two extremely high achieving private girls secondary schools. Hated both of them. Grades were everything. Excelling was everything. Failure was not an option. We were led to believe we were the leaders of tomorrow; it was all very much of an 80’s, Nicola Horlick, ‘superwoman’ mentality.

Whilst some arguably were hugely successful, others crumbled under the pressure and happily opted out of what is considered ‘mainstream’ success for other forms of success.

My brother’s secondary school English report is proudly framed at Casa Parentals. The teacher, clearly in the depths of despair, (and likely a good bottle of Scotch) idly wonders whether his errant pupil will succeed at anything. Ever. Don’t tell him I said so, but my brother was and remains one of the smartest people I know. An absolute authority on military history, he’s got street smarts instead of school smarts. Both are important.

Whilst many schools are rightly placing greater efforts and resources into pastoral care and mental health provision, it’s often to support challenging social situations, peer pressure, family pressures, social media and bullying.

What needs to be additionally addressed is the fact that your grades do NOT define you.

If you achieve all ‘A’s’, or all ‘9’s”, then absolute kudos to you. But it doesn’t guarantee success or happiness. Equally, if you genuinely worked hard but failed at a subject, it does not make you a failure.

And there, my friends, endeth the lesson.