Leap of faith: a time to listen
Why is the act of empathy so difficult?
Jewish custom teaches us that when visiting a mourner, we should not begin the conversation. We should simply sit alongside, in silence, until the mourner opens up. The visitor is offering comfort by simply being present and willing to listen.
Today, this powerful custom is easily forgotten. The rush to offer comfort is difficult to resist; mainly because it comes from a need to comfort oneself. There is a powerful human drive to make sense of suffering. To explain it away. To be reassured that the dreadful act will not, or cannot, happen to us.
On the other hand, so many people do find it difficult to speak to a mourner, going to the extent of crossing the road or even changing their route to avoid them. But what we are really trying to escape is the dreadful difficulty of not knowing what to say. Some individuals know that they struggle to express their compassion, and this awareness can make for an clumsy conversation. But anyone who has ever experienced grief will know the value of an awkward gesture of comfort.
We need to understand when to sit in silence and when to find those ordinary words, words that enable others to go on with the burden of living.
Why are simple words so very difficult? Why is it so very difficult for people to reach out to each other, as colleagues, friends, the parents we see daily at the school, gates, and to say, “how are you doing? You must be so worried. How is your family coping?” These are everyday conversations, but they are difficult to begin.
In the public sphere, we are fighting for language. The use of a word like terrorist has become front-page news. Will the struggle for the correct language to define this conflict deflect our comprehension of so much human suffering?
Today, tomorrow, next week, for who knows how long, we are entering a time of untold grief. The cradle, if not the birthplace, of the three-world monotheistic faiths, is still ablaze. Too many – far too many – people are using their power and their voice to add fuel to the flames. How easy it is to signal support, with violent demonstrations, graffiti, online threats; to engage in blame, and minimization of these terrible events. To feel soothed by activism, and safe from any possible political or moral contamination. The difficult truth is that there are multiple facts and this existential battle will only cease when we are all more in touch with reality.
Members of my own synagogue who have spoken to me have expressed empathy and concern for the situation of the Palestinians. Even in the time of their own anxiety and their grief, of fear for members of their own families and friends; for those who are still missing, and who may be missing for weeks, months or even years. These ordinary people express a depth of feeling for those residents of Gaza who are also afraid, or who are waiting to bury their own dead.
If ordinary Jewish people can do this, why is the simple act of human empathy so difficult for politicians, leaders, trade unionists, academics, student groups, and the rest? For how long will it be more profitable to nail your political colours to the mast of your own beliefs, than to work a bit harder to become part of the solution?
Thank you for helping to make Jewish News the leading source of news and opinion for the UK Jewish community. Today we're asking for your invaluable help to continue putting our community first in everything we do.
For as little as £5 a month you can help sustain the vital work we do in celebrating and standing up for Jewish life in Britain.
Jewish News holds our community together and keeps us connected. Like a synagogue, it’s where people turn to feel part of something bigger. It also proudly shows the rest of Britain the vibrancy and rich culture of modern Jewish life.
You can make a quick and easy one-off or monthly contribution of £5, £10, £20 or any other sum you’re comfortable with.
100% of your donation will help us continue celebrating our community, in all its dynamic diversity...
Engaging
Being a community platform means so much more than producing a newspaper and website. One of our proudest roles is media partnering with our invaluable charities to amplify the outstanding work they do to help us all.
Celebrating
There’s no shortage of oys in the world but Jewish News takes every opportunity to celebrate the joys too, through projects like Night of Heroes, 40 Under 40 and other compelling countdowns that make the community kvell with pride.
Pioneering
In the first collaboration between media outlets from different faiths, Jewish News worked with British Muslim TV and Church Times to produce a list of young activists leading the way on interfaith understanding.
Campaigning
Royal Mail issued a stamp honouring Holocaust hero Sir Nicholas Winton after a Jewish News campaign attracted more than 100,000 backers. Jewish Newsalso produces special editions of the paper highlighting pressing issues including mental health and Holocaust remembrance.
Easy access
In an age when news is readily accessible, Jewish News provides high-quality content free online and offline, removing any financial barriers to connecting people.
Voice of our community to wider society
The Jewish News team regularly appears on TV, radio and on the pages of the national press to comment on stories about the Jewish community. Easy access to the paper on the streets of London also means Jewish News provides an invaluable window into the community for the country at large.
We hope you agree all this is worth preserving.
