Leap of Faith: family broiguses
Feuding families should remember the Jewish demand for forgiveness
The forthcoming coronation of King Charles III and the publicity surrounding the thoughts and movements of his second son, Prince Harry, have inevitably led to schools of thought or camps which either consider Britain’s Royal Family inherently dysfunctional, or seek to portray one or more of the family’s members as blameworthy and others as innocent.
Family – be it royal of common – broiguses are nothing new and the families of the Torah are no exception. Indeed, the very first Torah family was riven by sibling murder when Cain killed Abel. After that we see Abraham destroy his father’s livelihood, the rivalry between Esau and Jacob and Joseph’s arrival in Egypt, resulting from extreme jealousy amongst brothers. The tension between Moses and his siblings (Aaron and Miriam) is occasionally evident in their joint journey from Egypt to the border of the Promised Land.
The fact that the Torah records such disputes, even amongst the Jews’ foundational heroes, reminds us all that families do get into arguments and that they are a normative and indeed required part of family life.
It is also true to observe that the Torah families are not without success. The family of Adam, Eve and Cain produces the human race; Abraham dramatically establishes himself as the first monotheistic family; Jacob and Esau become tribes in their own right although the rivalry continues; Joseph becomes the senior adviser to the Pharaoh and in that role is able to both save his family from starvation and be reconciled with them; Moses and Aaron liberate the Hebrew slaves and their sister, Miriam, serves as a role model for women in leadership roles.
Whilst thus acknowledging the reality of family strife, Judaism has a package of values which should minimise both the depth and length of such. Members of families have mutual obligations to each other, expressed best by the prophet Malachi (3:24): “Elijah will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents.” This sentiment applies to other family members too. Our Mishnah – and particularly Pirkei Avot (2:4 and 1:6) – advises against hasty judgement and commends its charitable opposite. The famous Jewish scholar Hillel observed: “Do not judge others until you have found yourself in their position.” Having one’s own children is the best recipe for understanding the perceived mistakes of one’s parents.
In the world of social media and constant obsession with disputes in prominent families, it might be appropriate to remind us all that Judaism demands the respect of every person’s dignity and the prohibition of public humiliation.
Family disputes that are not quickly resolved frequently lead to the participants becoming convinced of their own arguments, self-deceiving, slander, unforgiving behaviour and more. Perhaps such persons might be reminded of the Jewish demand for forgiveness and the obligation to spread happiness.
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