What the bloomin’ heck is going on? With showbiz reporter Mrs Frankowitz

What a mad couple o’ weeks it’s been. So much has happened in Tinseltown, I almost forgot to wash.

We had the The Brits, didn’t we –  which I thought was a load of rubbish from start to end, apart from the adverts which are always a laugh.

Harry Styles – who loves the Torah apparently and I don’t blame him – looked very handsome on the night but I question his new hairstyle. It is as if someone, perhaps out of jealousy, has placed a filthy cobweb on his head as a joke. That or my hairdresser Fabrice was right – curls really have gone out of fashion. I hope not because I just bought a new Babyliss crimper.

ITV if you are reading this – which I’m sure you are – why does the unfunny one who was in The History Boys – James Corden – always have to present The Brit Awards? I am not watching it again if he does it next year. I felt so miserable afterwards I ordered a new phone cover off eBay. Hetty is convinced he wears a bullet-proof vest. I agree.

I cannot help but giggle like a toddler when i see photographs of Simon Cowell and his new baby boy. He seems like such a natural. Everybody deserves a chance at fatherhood, I say, even Simon, who I truly believe has been a nasty piece of work to so many people, but is a father to us all in many ways. Hetty is convinced he wears an invisalign. I’m not so sure.

My favourite man in the whole world, Barry Manilow, came out of hiding this week wearing what looked like a scary mask but was actually just tighter skin and a different nose. He used a common excuse among celebs for the new look – “ I walked into a door” – which I 100% believe because why would he lie? He’s Barry bloomin’ Manilow.

Hetty came running in to my flat today to tell me she saw David Beckham eating  chicken soup at Delisserie in Temple Fortune. I cannot believe I missed it! She thinks he is gonna convert.

From her mouth to God’s ears!

Till next time …