Estranged grandparent speaks of ‘living bereavement’

Behind Lorraine Bushell’s OBE award in this year’s New Year honours list lie many stories of pain and bewilderment.

Mrs Bushell, who divides her time between London and the West Midlands township of Solihull, received her award for her work in services to estranged grandparents.

In what she has described as “a living bereavement”, Mrs Bushell’s award is a response to her own deeply painful story. More than 20 years ago, when her twin grandsons were born, she was excluded from their lives, for reasons she still is at a loss to understand.

After a year of depression, she discovered a charity called the Grandparents Association, and called its helpline. She took a counselling course and then founded a non-denominational support group in the West Midlands.

About 12 years ago, she told Jewish News: “I realised there was nothing specifically for grandparents who were Jewish”. Contrary to popular belief, Mrs Bushell says, the phenomenon of estrangement is just as prevalent in the Jewish community as in wider society.

She set to and hired a room at the Jewish Marriage Council in Hendon. “I was staggered at how many Jewish grandparents didn’t see their grandchildren”, she says. But the demand was so high that she soon opened the support facility to everyone, regardless of their religious background.

Mrs Bushell’s award is a response to her own deeply painful story. More than 20 years ago, when her twin grandsons were born, she was excluded from their lives, for reasons she still is at a loss to understand.

Over the years Mrs Bushell has heard many terrible stories relating to family estrangement, including suicides and long-lasting mental health issues. Her group, Hendon Grandparents, now offers help and support for many people. “The really important thing is for people to know that they are not alone,” she says.

She has witnessed small success where “one or two people” have been able to have contact with their grandchildren. But she says that for really intractable cases, the only route has been the courts— and that is expensive, with a starting fee of around £30,000 just in order to apply for leave to go to law.

Instead, Mrs Bushell says, with the  backing of local MPs such as Matthew Offord and Mike Freer, she is campaigning for Parliament to make mandatory mediation available to estranged grandparents. That way, she says, misunderstandings, which may have led to the shunning of grandparents, could be resolved.

In the meantime, armed with her OBE — “which is really lovely, it gave me a real boost” — Mrs Bushell is continuing her work.

Anyone who would like to join her group should e-mail hendongrandparents@gmail.com