Jew they know it’s Christmas time at all?
We may not be into the spirit, but comedian Bennett Arron gets into the season to be jolly with a show
Christmas is almost here. You can tell as the shops are preparing to display their Easter Eggs.
Growing up as part of the only Jewish family in Port Talbot, South Wales meant that Christmas was always a period of mixed emotions for me. Whilst I was happy to be off school for a couple of weeks, I was also sad that I didn’t experience the joy and excitement all my friends had for their Yuletide Festival. Of course we had Chanukah, but comparing a lovely tree, loads of presents and family gatherings to some chocolate money, greasy food and hot wax never seemed fair.
I once asked a neighbour friend of mine, if I could use a part of his family Christmas Tree to hang some of my own handmade ornaments. He felt sorry for me and so he agreed. He rented me two branches. I also remember, when school friends used to talk excitedly about Santa Claus coming on Christmas Eve, thinking to myself; “We’re always being warned about talking to strangers yet these people are letting a stranger come into their house – whilst they’re all sleeping!!”
Christmas trees are actually an interesting concept. I have friends who are atheists yet still have Christmas trees. They tell me that Christmas trees are nothing to do with Christmas. Well, surely the first word is the giveaway. And if they’re nothing to do with Christmas then why not put them up in April?
I have some Jewish friends who actually have a Christmas Tree every year. And some put them next to their Chanukiahs. I used to think this was weird, like having a ham and cheese bagel. But the way things are in the world, why shouldn’t people just do what makes them happy? (I’m talking about the tree by the way, the bagel thing is still a big ‘no’!)
I do find it amusing how stressed non-Jewish people get about the ‘Christmas Lunch’. They plan weeks in advance, not only as to what they will cook and how they will cook it, but also worrying if the family are going to get on or if they are going to be any arguments. They only have this problem once a year, Jews have it EVERY Friday night!
Being a comedian/after-dinner speaker/awards host at Christmas time means that you have the privilege of performing at various Christmas office parties and corporate events around the country. These can be as harrowing as they are lucrative. Although I am of course grateful for the work, I’ve never quite understood why they book a comedian for these events.
Most of the time the staff just want to talk loudly, get drunk and then get off with each other – only to regret/deny everything the following day. Over the years I have been asked to; ‘Do your comedy stuff between the starter and the main course’ (which is of course the reason I got into comedy in the first place) ‘Insult the boss’ (always a favourite with staff although I have to bear in mind that the boss is the one paying me) and “Sing some carols” (although I do know several, I am one of the very few tone deaf Welsh people, so that wouldn’t be happening).
I remember my own staff party last year. I got very drunk and photocopied my tuchas. I was worried that I would get in trouble. But fortunately, as I’m self-employed, I just gave myself a warning.
Apart from dealing with the occasional drunken reveller – can you imagine celebrating Purim for 12 days?! – one thing that does irritate me a little about Christmas are the songs playing in all the shops.
There are approximately six of them that are constantly played on a loop. And I’ve always thought that playing ‘Do They know it’s Christmas (Feed The World)’ whilst people are in a supermarket piling up their trollies with a selection of tasty festive treats, is a touch insensitive. In a supermarket last year, after hearing the line; ‘The only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears’ I actually heard someone say; “Oh that reminds me, I have to buy soda water and bitter lemon.”
That reminds me, I was recently asked after a gig why it is that Jews can’t drink alcohol. I explained that Jews CAN drink alcohol, it’s just that many choose not to.
This is for two reasons; 1 drinking takes up valuable eating time, and 2, when you drink, you relax and forget about all your problems. You can’t take that away from us, that’s all we have!
Of course my favourite thing about Christmas is that I have the chance to perform in the traditional Jewish Christmas comedy chow Rabbi Santa’s Night of Comedy. This is an event that started several years ago at the King’s Head in Crouch End, London. The popularity grew so much that we had to move it to the larger venue of The Radlett Centre.
As well as Jewish acts, we’ve had some wonderful token non-Jewish comedians over the years including Milton Jones and Hal Cruttenden. This year is no exception as we have manged to chase down the wonderful Paul Sinha (this is a clever play on words, as it’s in reference to the fact he is on ITV’s The Chase).
I asked some of the Jewish comedians from Rabbi Santa shows both past and present to give me their take of being a Jew at Christmas. Josh Howie told me; “Christmas for a Jew is like your cousin getting married abroad. You can wish them well but that doesn’t mean you should feel obliged to go”. Rachel Creeger, who is doing the show this year, said: “For my observant and traditional Christian friends it’s a really meaningful time, spiritual season full of goodwill. And I can totally relate to that.”
Sol Bernstein, the oldest living Jewish comedian, who is also appearing this year, explained: “I always loved Christmas especially when I lived in USA because we always ate Chinese food on Christmas Day, basically the only day in the calendar we’re allowed to eat treif. And unlike at Easter, we don’t get accused of killing him. My Uncle Bernie had a toy shop in Brooklyn and loved going into the store on Christmas Day – to dust the shelves.”
Mark Maier, my co-host and co-producer of the Rabbi Santa shows said: “When I think of Christmas I think of fressing. Well why not? It’s a festival. Not one of ours but still an excuse to eat to excess. And for 12 days! Why should this Festival be different from any other Festival?”
As I said, I’m really looking forward to The Rabbi Santa Show this year. It always sells out and the audience always have a great time. Of course there are always a couple of complaints, but it’s a predominantly Jewish audience, it would be weird if there weren’t any.
So may I wish you all a Merry Christmas and/or a Happy Chanukah. I’m just off to clean my chimney and then ask my neighbours if I can rent some of their tree branches.
Rabbi Santa’s Comedy Night at 7.30pm Dec 3
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