Leap of faith: it’s a matter of respect
We must honour each other's wishes and dignity
The German press declared a “handshake scandal” after the new Syrian leader refused to shake hands with the female German Foreign Minister in early January. Annalena Baebock dismissed criticism, saying she did not expect an ordinary handshake.
Of course strict Muslims are not the only people who don’t shake hands with the opposite sex – plenty of Orthodox Jews prefer not to do so either. It seems to me that this is a matter of personal choice and religious freedom. The politicians involved were probably briefed about Abu Mohammed al-Jolani’s interpretation of Muslim law; maybe the press should have been too.
We may have anxieties about the direction in which the Islamist leader will take Syria, but his religious customs about who he shakes hands with really shouldn’t be one of them.
When Prime Minister Teresa May visited President Trump in 2017 he took her hand and led her through the White House – something she did not look at all comfortable with. Sometimes too much contact can be as embarrassing as too little.
As a Progressive Rabbi I shake lots of people’s hands, but I am fully in favour of someone exercising their personal choice not to do it if they don’t want to. There’s a Jewish principle of kavod, honouring the dignity of another person. If they don’t want to make physical contact with you, that’s their choice.
The other relevant Jewish principle here is the injunction against shaming or causing public humiliation to another person. It is an important consideration to anyone who doesn’t want to shake hands in an environment when someone is expected to do that. During the Covid pandemic some people wore badges saying something along the lines of “please don’t try and hug or kiss me”, so that nobody would be offended if they ducked. It might be worth considering, if you don’t want to shake hands in an environment where it would otherwise be expected. However, in this case they were in Damascus, so perhaps it’s the western ministers who should have asked the right questions.
Men not shaking women’s hands can feel like an issue when all the people in power are men. The real question is whether Abu Mohammed al-Jolani will enshrine women’s rights in the new Syria. If he does, there may soon be Syrian women ministers refusing to shake the hands of male colleagues and it’s hard to imagine that being such a scandal. If you are a man attending my synagogue and don’t want to shake my hand for religious reasons, you are still very welcome and we’ll find plenty of non-contact ways to establish a friendly relationship. A little mutual respect goes a long way.
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