Swipe left on apps: why old-school Jewish matchmaking still works
App, agency, set-up, social event – there are many ways to make meaningful connections
In December 2023, newly separated from my husband, I was set up on a date by a good friend. “Not my type,” I said when I saw the photo. “What if we have nothing to talk about?” I threw out every excuse I could think of, but eventually agreed because the apps weren’t ‘appening.
A year on, I’m still seeing him, and my friend regularly reminds me that she could give Aleeza Ben Shalom (Jewish Matchmaking, Netflix) a run for her shekels.
In a world where we run our lives online is it too hard to admit that the good old-fashioned introduction that has the best chance of success?
Denise Philips thinks so. She has hosted Date on a Plate for 30 years – a simple concept which sees six men and six women aged 25-65 cook a meal in the comfort of her home. “It brings together two things Jewish people are generally good at: talking and eating,” says Denise.
If connecting over a crumble sounds good to you, Denise has it down to a fine art, ensuring the right people are sat at her table. “I teach my guests how to cook a delicious three-course meal which we then sit down and eat together. The men move round after each course, so there is the opportunity to meet everyone and in between serving the meal I join the table to keep things relaxed.”
Denise came up with her plate dates when her husband passed away – “Leaving me with three young children to raise, so I threw myself into my work. My passion was cooking, and I loved matchmaking, so I decided to start DOAP.”
A few years later, in 2004, Denise caught the eye of one of her guests and they eventually married. “Many women have unrealistic dating expectations, such as ‘tall, dark and handsome’. Let’s live in reality – the people who connect are often the most unlikely and this is where missed opportunities happen all the time.”
Such love stories include Lauren and Laurence who met at DOAP and are now married. Plus Lucy and Scott who have adorable baby Abigail.
Don’t fancy cooking? Denise also offers the online service ‘Zoom Date’, (speed date) which sees the men break off into an online waiting room to meet each individual woman, prepped by Denise with some openers to avoid awkward silences. And talking of awkward, what if your ex-wife is contestant number two in the waiting room? “There’s a detailed application form including questions about ex-partners and confirming they’re Jewish, as I have quite a few orthodox clients,” she says.
Here’s a love story for you: Sarah Harouni Davies worked in marketing and Geneviéve Gresse was running a matchmaking service. Friends through work, and both disappointed with what was “out there”, this led to a cupid moment where they set up the Jewish Community Singles page on Facebook, a private group with a thriving community which now has almost 3,000 members across the UK ranging from 21 to 80+.
These ladies can fill your calendar in seconds with age-specific events centred around diary markers like New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day, plus regular ‘open mixers’ where everyone is welcome, no age parameter set. Sarah and Gen are always present at the events to ensure everything runs smoothly on the night and maybe see their hard work come to life with real-life connections.
Knowledge is power and Sarah says: “Because we know the guest lists, it’s easy to spot if there’s a good match for someone and it’s lovely to get feedback the next day. At our first event, Peter and Helen, both 82, hit it off, went on a cruise and now live together. Then there was Daniel and Miranda who are a real item, after meeting at our Valentine’s party. And Hayley and Jason, who met last March are engaged.” (Naturally Sarah is going to the wedding.)
In addition to events, they offer a (paid for) coaching, mentoring and matchmaking service with Gen. Highly confidential and very discreet, the Schmingle Package helps applicants (often high-profile celebrities) reach their full potential with suitors pulled from the singles database.
The Facebook page is a hive of activity, with Shabbat Shalom check-ins, event updates and new member welcome posts. Sarah is no-nonsense about the group’s ethics. “This is a safe space for members to find wonderful connections. We have built the most amazing community so if you’re not going to be kind, please leave.”
Aimee Belchak works a high-profile job in theatre whilst managing The A-gency, helping Jewish singles find love. “I’ve always been really good at connecting people,” she says. “I once met a girlfriend for a drink after work and thought ‘she’d be a great match for my friend’. I suggested it to him the next day and the connection worked. I messaged all of my Jewish contacts and it just went from there.”
Aimee’s dating service is specifically about blind dates for 22 to 62-year-olds. “I had a couple on my books for a while but hadn’t set them up because they hadn’t been in the dating pool in the same month. They’ve now been together since July and are very happy. Three couples I’ve set up are married, with another engaged to be married in September. I believe there is a lid to every pot.”
Single herself, Aimee understands about dating app burnout and how daunting blind dating can be. Candidates complete a detailed registration form and then Aimee speaks to each one to ensure they are legitimate. “I always say ‘what’s the harm in a drink’?’ But if someone’s sign up form has very specific physical attributes, then maybe a blind date isn’t for you.”
Perfect first date? “My rule is no longer than 90 minutes, the optimum time to suss out if you want to see them again. I like to leave wanting more.”
Zach Margolin, currently gaining huge popularity as a comedian with over 150k followers on Instagram, is now playing cupid off the back of his Shidduch of the Week that launched from his platform. “I was in NYC with my good friend Rochelle who was making Aliyah. She wanted me to introduce her to people in Israel, maybe find a boyfriend. I said, ‘I’ll do one better – I’ll post you on my Insta story’. I posted a photo of us, gave the spiel and it was my most viewed story at the time. I asked my followers if it’s something they wanted to see more of and it was an overwhelming ‘yes’.”
With a database of over a thousand Jewish singles ranging from 18-60+, the concept is simple: one girl, one guy, one gay, listed on a weekly basic, picked at random, and given their spotlight moment. The fun concept seems to be working, with Rochelle now dating someone and recent SOTW Menashe Rossouw connected with a girl in Israel, even posting live from his first date first and giving full credit to Zach’s matchmaking skills.
For Zach a tip for an ideal first date is to keep it simple: “Go for a drink. If it’s going really well, then maybe continue the date and do something spontaneous.”
But does he keep ‘the best potentials’ for himself? Zach laughs. “Ha. No, honestly I don’t. It’s a bold move to apply – I rate that.”
So, what’s in it for you then? I ask. “I predominantly see myself as a comedian bringing people joy. But I love connecting people. ‘Three shidduchs and you go to heaven’ Aleeza Ben Shalom told me that. She’s become a really good friend.”
But what about your own shidduch? “I’m convinced the girl I end up with won’t be in London. That’s why I like this platform. You could meet someone in Australia who you didn’t know existed.”
Wise words. The guy I went on the date with? He lives in Australia.
Facebook: Jewish Community Singles
Instagram: @shidduchoftheweek
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