OPINION: My mental illness took everything. My community helped me take it back
Three years into recovery, a young woman shares how her battle with anorexia and self-harm was transformed by the strength of Jewish belonging
This is Mental Health Awareness Month. It marks three years of my anorexia recovery and two years free of self-harm.
COVID began when I was 16. At the same time, I was being bullied by someone who made me want to disappear. When we went into lockdown I felt I had no control over my life. The only thing I could control was my diet.
I already knew how to count calories – I’d been doing so since I was 14 –but my overwhelming need for control led me to lower the numbers and tighten the restrictions. Summer 2020 was supposed to be when I went on Israel tour, something I had looked forward to more than anything. COVID stole that from me.
When I started sixth form, I was already quite unwell. I had nothing to look forward to, which only worsened the restriction and, as a result, the eating disorder.
In February 2021, I was admitted to the Camhs Eating Disorder Team‘s intensive service. Although I wasn’t even allowed to attend school and spent most days staring at a hospital wall, I still couldn’t see what I was doing to myself.
3 August 2021 was the day I truly realised how ill I was. It wasn’t the tube through by nose and down the throat or the possibility of never going back to school. It was watching my brother leave for summer camp. I’d been going to camp every summer since I was 11 and I loved it more than anything. The sense of community I felt there was unmatched. Being unable to take part in something I adored so much opened my eyes to how much this illness was taking from me.
Fast forward a year. I put everything into my recovery. I ate the pasta and worked through the discomfort. And I found my joy. I celebrated my first year of attempted recovery on camp with my friends – my Jewish community.
Eating disorders are, sadly, very common within our community, but there is support available. Charities like Jami and Camp Simcha were a massive help to my family when I was unwell. They do such incredible work
When I reflect on how my journey links to my Jewish identity, there’s a lot to unravel.
I’ve never fully understood the depth of my love for camp – the sheer joy I feel when surrounded by a Jewish community, whether on Noam or, more recently, through the UJS Leadership Fellowship. That need to return to my Jewish bubble was what first motivated me to recover.
I’ve now been in recovery from anorexia for two years, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I had it. Balancing my Judaism with my mental health is something I’m still learning. Restrictive festivals like Yom Kippur and Pesach will always be difficult. Mentally, I struggle with not having my “safe” foods during the week of Pesach, but spiritually I remind myself that restriction is not the goal.
A quote that has always resonated is, “We live by the laws; we don’t die by them.” I live for my Jewish the community I’ve grown up in. Community is important for everyone, but especially for someone battling mental illness.
I never hid the fact that I was ill. Part of me felt the need to prove that I was “sick enough.” That I could be slim. That I could have scars. As disordered as that thinking was, it led me to build another strong community – like my Jewish one – of people who shared similar struggles.
Eating disorders are, sadly, very common within our community, but there is support available. Charities like Jami and Camp Simcha were a massive help to my family when I was unwell. They do such incredible work.
Today, my life is eating disorder-free. I truly have my community to thank for that. It’s a lifestyle I’ll always cherish.
• Parents can access help and advice for children struggling with an eating disorder HERE
Thank you for helping to make Jewish News the leading source of news and opinion for the UK Jewish community. Today we're asking for your invaluable help to continue putting our community first in everything we do.
For as little as £5 a month you can help sustain the vital work we do in celebrating and standing up for Jewish life in Britain.
Jewish News holds our community together and keeps us connected. Like a synagogue, it’s where people turn to feel part of something bigger. It also proudly shows the rest of Britain the vibrancy and rich culture of modern Jewish life.
You can make a quick and easy one-off or monthly contribution of £5, £10, £20 or any other sum you’re comfortable with.
100% of your donation will help us continue celebrating our community, in all its dynamic diversity...
Engaging
Being a community platform means so much more than producing a newspaper and website. One of our proudest roles is media partnering with our invaluable charities to amplify the outstanding work they do to help us all.
Celebrating
There’s no shortage of oys in the world but Jewish News takes every opportunity to celebrate the joys too, through projects like Night of Heroes, 40 Under 40 and other compelling countdowns that make the community kvell with pride.
Pioneering
In the first collaboration between media outlets from different faiths, Jewish News worked with British Muslim TV and Church Times to produce a list of young activists leading the way on interfaith understanding.
Campaigning
Royal Mail issued a stamp honouring Holocaust hero Sir Nicholas Winton after a Jewish News campaign attracted more than 100,000 backers. Jewish Newsalso produces special editions of the paper highlighting pressing issues including mental health and Holocaust remembrance.
Easy access
In an age when news is readily accessible, Jewish News provides high-quality content free online and offline, removing any financial barriers to connecting people.
Voice of our community to wider society
The Jewish News team regularly appears on TV, radio and on the pages of the national press to comment on stories about the Jewish community. Easy access to the paper on the streets of London also means Jewish News provides an invaluable window into the community for the country at large.
We hope you agree all this is worth preserving.
