Chai announces services expansion to support those caring for loved ones with cancer
'I would take the dog for a walk, go in the woods and cry my heart out': families reveal the emotional, physical, practical and financial cost of a diagnosis
Chai Cancer Care has expanded its range of services and initiatives to support carers of cancer patients who find themselves in a ‘sink or swim’ environment after a devastating diagnosis.
Launched alongside Carers Rights Day on 20 November, the charity will offer a cookery workshop, carers’ support groups, counselling and financial guidance to help families secure the benefits and allowances to which they are entitled.
Research has found that people living with cancer face £10,000 a year in extra costs – sometimes more – linked to their diagnosis, factoring catering for nutritional needs, travel to medical appointments and loss of income.
Chai’s client services manager Louise Crystal, who helps clients navigate the UK welfare system, said: “When one partner is diagnosed with cancer, there can be huge financial implications for a family. This can be for many different reasons, the patient could be the main breadwinner and there could be a huge drop in income, or the patient could be providing a second income which is lost but as a joint entity as a couple they are still earning too much to be eligible for benefits.
“Clients come to me with no idea what they are entitled to and they just want to know what is out there and often we can get them some help especially if they are struggling with side effects from their treatment.”
She adds that “the benefits system can be very overwhelming,” noting that steering clients through it can help reduce stress, and “make a huge difference” to them emotionally, “as often, as they stop worrying about finances they are able to concentrate more on their health.”
Cindy* (not her real name), in her 70s, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She and her husband lived solely on their state pension. Chai’s Crystal recalls: “We went through all their financial details including savings and debts and it transpired that they were eligible to claim pension credit, we guided them on how to apply for this and they are in receipt of pension credit, which has really helped as it is a passport to a number of other benefits such as council tax reduction and warm home discount scheme.”
She adds: “We also applied for a Blue Badge and this has literally changed their lives as they are able to park easily when they go to appointments and also makes shopping so much easier.”
As well as financial support services, Chai also provides counselling and groups to carers affected by a loved one’s diagnosis.
Danny Peston, 55, has two teenage sons. His wife of 15 years, Nadya, passed away last year aged 53, just sixteen weeks after being diagnosed with cancer of the spine and hips. Peston, a member of Stanmore United Synagogue, now attends a support group at Chai.
Speaking exclusively to Jewish News, he says: “In 2024, from the beginning of the year, Nadya had terrible back pain. She went down the road to chiropractors and physios, and things weren’t getting better. Eventually, she was sent for an MRI, and in May 2024 they discovered that she had cancer of the spine and the hips. She was very, very ill.
“She wanted to battle on because our youngest son was having his barmitzvah in July, and she was well enough to celebrate. We were never told how long she would live for.
“Then in September, she got a little bit worse. And when it came to Yom Kippur last year, she started losing bits of her memory. And a few days later, she became increasingly ill, and she was rushed to hospital on a Thursday night and had a couple of brain haemorrhages in hospital, and on the Monday, we were told it was terminal, and could she start palliative care, which she agreed to.
“On the Monday night, I decided that the boys should say goodbye to their mum, because I didn’t want a long goodbye. Nadya passed away on the Thursday, which was Shmini Atzeret. Both boys received bereavement counselling at JFS through Chai – the counsellors went to the school.
“After her diagnosis, I became Nadya’s carer. I was still working, but I also did everything she needed. I also ran the household; the washing, the children’s schedules, the cooking, the cleaning; whatever needed to be done. I was doing two people’s jobs.
“Once you stop caring for the person who is no longer there, there is a void, but if you’ve got children, then that time is used up with my kids. Now, I’m no longer caring for my wife, but now I’m caring for my kids. I’ve thrown myself into looking after my sons. Now it’s coming up to one year since she died, it’s time to start working on myself.
“I’ve still not really processed what’s happened. I have just started going to a bereavement group at Chai for people in their 50s.”
“You just either sink or you swim. I go to Stanmore United Synagogue, where my wife was on the committee, and there’s a support network. We do have a community.”
When Nadya died, JFS teachers came to the funeral, and teachers came to the shiva house to check on the boys.
Danny says the school has been “unbelievable. They phone me every week, the safeguarding asking if there’s anything they can do for the boys. I can’t speak highly enough about that school, with two and a half thousand kids, and they give such care. It’s amazing. And the same with the community. We’re very lucky to be members of the community.”
Ivor Gomm, 66, became the carer for his wife Ruth after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The couple attended joint counselling sessions at Chai .
Now Ruth is in remission, he recalls: “I was there 24/7 and doing everything – shopping, housework, cooking. The hardest thing in all of it was, I didn’t have the answers. Ruth would ask questions like ‘Will it come back? Why did I get it? Why does it have to be me?’ And that was awful. I hated that I couldn’t make it right by saying what the answer to our questions were, because I didn’t know the answers. I don’t think anyone knows those answers.”
“I was very good at hiding how I was feeling,” he says, adding: “I would take the dog for a walk, and I used to go in the woods. I used to cry my heart out, and then I would just come back and act normal, with a smile on the face, making a cup of tea and ask: ‘What can I do for you?’”
Charlotte Hildebrand, Chai’s head of client services, says: “A cancer diagnosis can drastically change the lives of loved ones who suddenly find themselves as carers, managing work, finances, emotions and the day-to-day demands of care. The financial impact can be overwhelming, with many families facing thousands of pounds in additional costs each year alongside the emotional and physical strain of supporting a loved one through treatment.”
She adds: “At Chai, we recognise that carers need support as much as patients. Our services are designed to give them practical help, emotional strength and expert guidance; from counselling and carers’ groups to financial advice, benefits support and new initiatives like our cookery club, which helps people adjust to responsibilities they may never have had before.”
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