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Making sense of the sedra: Ki Teitzei
A time for introspection
“If my mother had shown me some love, then I would have been kinder to you.”
“If my boss didn’t treat me so badly, I’d be in a better mood when I come home.”
There are many reasons why our behaviour may not be the way we would like it to be. Other people annoy us, upset us and hurt our feelings. Even though it may seem that everyone else has it easier – each person has struggles that threaten to pull them down.
In this week’s parsah, Ki Teitzei, The Torah teaches us that we, alone, are responsible for our actions. “Fathers shall not be put to death for because of sons, and sons should not be put to death because of fathers… a man (is responsible )… for his own sins.” Deuteronomy 24.16
Hashem is well aware of the troubles that we find ourselves in, and takes into account the circumstances that we are faced with. No one can really judge another’s actions, for we do not know how hard their struggle is or how we would cope in their situation.
So, when looking or talking to others, we need to be careful not to judge or convict. At the same time, when judging ourselves and considering our own actions, it’s helpful to try to look inwards and try to find ways to help ourselves improve our own character traits, rather than focusing on all the reasons and justifications of why we are failing.
This week is the beginning of Ellul – the final month of the year before Rosh Hashanah. It is a time of introspection. Warm weather and holidays may not feel like the ideal setting for this – but it could be if we set aside a little quiet time to review the year and plan how we can change.
A person cannot change their past, but there are many helpful tools that can assist those who would like to develop their coping mechanisms and reactions to frustrating events.
King David was ostracised by his family for the first 28 years of his life. Jacob spent years running away from his brother. Abraham was promised by Hashem to inherit the land of Israel, and yet was swindled by Efron into paying a huge price for a piece of land to bury Sara and was not blessed with children for many years. They all had good reasons to be frustrated with life and yet they grew into great people who inspire us all with their patience and good deeds.
Hashem doesn’t judge us for other people’s behaviour – that is not within our control. Even if our own behaviour falls short of our aspirations, Hashem judges us with mercy. All that is required of us is to make a real effort to change and pray for success in those efforts.
May this year be a year full of growth for us all.
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