OPINION: It’s uncomfortable to accept that abuse exists within Jewish life, but in order to support our community, we must
'I encourage you to take this Shabbat as an opportunity to start conversations with family and friends', says Jewish Women's Aid Sam Clifford
This Shabbat, 22-23rd November is Jewish Women’s Aid Shabbat – the annual opportunity for our community to come together and address domestic abuse — an issue that affects people across all backgrounds, including Jewish women and families.
Domestic Abuse is never easy to talk about, but we must do all we can to break that stigma, address the myths surrounding abuse and make it easier for those affected by abuse to reach out for help. Silence not only allows abuse to persist but creates barriers for those affected to come forward for support. It stops friends and family members noticing signs and reaching out to their loved ones to check if they are ok. It prevents us from making the change we need to reduce and even eliminate violence against women and girls.
Our goal is to create a supportive environment across our diverse Jewish community, where people feel comfortable discussing this sensitive topic, understanding that our community is not immune to the realities of domestic abuse and that Jewish Women’s Aid is here to help.
I have been so touched by the incredible cross-communal support from all our major denominations and communal leadership, with the addition of two new partners this year, Manchester Rep Council and Leeds Jewish Rep Council, building on our work led by volunteers in those two cities.
This year we have chosen a ‘Myth vs Reality’ theme, because despite the information overload we all experience daily, many core myths about domestic abuse continue to exist. One major myth is that domestic abuse doesn’t exist within our community or is only a problem for certain groups. In reality, domestic abuse can impact anyone.
In fact, one in four women will experience abuse in her lifetime, and Jewish women are no exception. At Jewish Women’s Aid we supported 800 Jewish women this year who need our services and have experienced all types of domestic abuse; including coercive control, financial and spiritual abuse and in some cases physical violence.
Another myth is that many people assume that they would know if a close friend or family member was experiencing abuse. I can tell you, based on the women we support – that that is simply not true. Abuse is often hidden, and signs can be subtle, like mood changes, withdrawal, or anxiety. Abusers may isolate, manipulate, or threaten victims to stay silent.
The reason it is so important that our community has Jewish Women’s Aid is because Jewish women may face unique pressures and fears when seeking help, including concerns about being judged, disbelieved, or misunderstood.
In these most difficult of times, we also know that Jewish women may have fears around antisemitism when seeking support from outside the community. Abuse exists across the whole spectrum of the Jewish community, not in any one part more than another. Particular to Jewish women, abuse can also include coercion around religious practice, which can be challenging for those experiencing it and for those supporting them.
This is why our work together together with clergy and religious leaders is crucial, in order to provide women with the practical, cultural and religious support they may need to navigate their sometimes complex socio-spiritual situations.
It is uncomfortable for us as a community to accept that abuse exists within our Jewish life, but in order to support our whole community we must. And we must go beyond acceptance and move to a place of talking about abuse, understanding the signs and ‘red flags’, as well as talking to our children about healthy relationships.
I’d love to encourage everyone in our community to take this Shabbat as an opportunity to start conversations with family and friends. Our resources can help prompt us to talk about these issues and when we do, we can work together to reduce the stigma and make it known that our community does not tolerate abuse. It’s through these open discussions that we can foster understanding, ensure that those affected feel supported, and work towards a community free from domestic abuse.
- Sam Clifford, chief executive, Jewish Women’s Aid. For more information, click here.
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