Have you reached swiping saturation when it comes to finding love?

Dancing under a full moon wearing a white dress might seem like a drastic way to attract the attention of men, but historically this was one of the rituals of Tu B’Av, which we celebrated earlier this month – the start of the grape harvest and Judaism’s answer to Valentine’s Day.

Denise Phillips, founder of Date On A Plate, swaps out white dresses for white table linen, offering a chance for people to meet at a dinner party – “far less pressure than a date in the wild”, she says.

This year cookery writer and teacher Denise is celebrating a quarter century of hosting these intimate evenings. It’s a winning recipe: six men and six women cooking a kosher gourmet three-course meal together in the comfort of Denise’s Northwood home. After losing her husband and facing the challenge of raising three young children alone, Denise drew strength from combining her passions for cooking and matchmaking and DOAP was born.

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Every guest is handpicked by Denise from a database of applicants ranging from 25-70, with dinners organised in ten-year age brackets.

After cooking and chatting, the guests are relaxed, and Denise seats them strategically for the meal – male/female, rotating the men during the evening, a chance to meet every lady. “I’m always on hand to ‘drop breadcrumbs’ and keep the conversation flowing beyond stilted ‘yes and no’ answers,” she says.

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For those unable to travel to Northwood, Denise hosts a virtual version with breakout rooms in which to meet each person.

There have been many successful pairings. Lauren and Laurence Shenker met at DOAP six years ago and are now married and have a little girl called Mia. “We’ve been able to share wonderful travelling adventures, the perfect wedding and now we have our beautiful daughter.”

Jack Raymond says: “I loved learning to cook at DOAP while meeting new people but there was always something preventing me from committing. Then Sophia came along…” Sophia and Jack got married in 2023.”

Anyone looking to book a single family member onto an event will receive a signed copy of Denise’s cookbook Celebrate Every Day, with proceeds going towards Chai Cancer Care.

If sit-down is too structured for you, I recently attended an informal garden gathering for aged 45+ singles hosted by Miriam ‘Mimi’ Kelaty in northwest London. I will admit that I went with an ‘I’ll stay for 20 minutes’ attitude. From an email flyer Mimi circulates to the Jewish community far and wide, I noted it was free entry (just ‘bring a bottle’), with a very carefully vetted registration process and security on the door. This is her home after all. Mimi’s gatherings draw a crowd each time of between 150 and 200 people, focusing on different age groups.

Once past security and through to the garden, I was met with a fully-staged simcha. Beautifully laid tables on the lawn, topped with candles and floral centrepieces, plus delicious hors d’oeuvres being offered to guests on arrival and a Mediterranean feast of Sephardi proportions, all catered for personally by Mimi.

Resplendent in a beautiful white dress, she explained why she hosts these gatherings with no financial gain. “I do it for the community,” she says. “This is my fourth gathering and because there’s no charge I think people feel relaxed, wanted, important. I have many messages afterwards from people saying how glad they are that they came. I’m not in this for the accolade. I just want to bring single people together with the help of my community. We have to pray for each other – that’s number one for me.”

For a more traditional matchmaking service, north-London-based Laura and Lisa launched Modern Day Matchmaking (MDM) last September, after experiencing the dating world themselves – set ups, blind dates, marriage (twice).

Both holding down day jobs, they take time to get to know each applicant from their growing database, before making matches. “This isn’t a business. It’s about helping people find connections and meet new people through intentional matches,” says Lisa. Find out more on Instagram @MDM_matchmakingagency

Chabad is revolutionising the way Jewish singles meet. Met @ Chabad is an app, but with a difference – the focus is not on dating endlessly and meeting more people but on meeting the right person. New York-based Dassi Gansburg and Rabbi Beryl Frankel at Chabad Young Professionals International Network came up with the idea due to concerns about the community choosing to marry out because they couldn’t find anyone Jewish they wanted to marry and have kids with.

Aimed at 22–60-year-olds, there is a strict vetting process with a Chabad rabbi before arranging small online speed dating sessions. “We personally reach out after dates, ensuring people are accountable about following up,” reassures Dassi. The numbers are certainly growing, with over 20,000 expected at their online event on 9 August.

For more information:

@date_on_a_plate

@MDM_matchmakingagency

@jewishmarriage

@aish