Prefer Jewish News on Google
Leap of faith: There is no such thing as a perfect family
The Beckham family feud matches many in our history
Reports of a Jewish wedding with alleged inappropriate mixed dancing have flooded my news stream, as another ‘perfect’ family has fallen into a feud.
Whether it is the Beckhams or the Royals, real-life soap operas are playing out over social media, keeping us entertained. And though we know real people are involved, we can’t avoid soaking in the drama of these broken families.
Who doesn’t love a good family broigus? They have been filling our parchment scrolls since the start of recorded history. When one of my children heard the Beckham story, they scowled at me like I was quizzing them on their Jewish studies. “Isn’t that the story of Isaac and Esau? Where he separates from his family and marries someone his parents don’t like after his dad favours the younger Jacob?” It is also the story of Ishmael and Isaac, of King David’s children, and the list goes on.
Many of our families are broken, both in literature and in reality. From the first funeral I ever conducted, where unbeknownst to me the family didn’t inform one of the siblings that their mother had died, to my own family – there are so many people who are ‘right’ and have been ‘wronged’, where siblings and parents no longer speak.
I wish I could tell you that Progressive Judaism can help resolve this problem as it can for the inherited status of the Beckhams and so many other issues.
What we can do, is hold space. I have met one-on-one with many who have wronged and been wronged by those they love. Hopefully my listening has helped. One of the most powerful and affirming synagogue groups I know of was run out of a Reform synagogue in St. Louis, in America – a support group of families having a tough time, where parents could meet and share the burden.
The reason these stories go viral is not because of unkind window-peeping, but because of the measure of relief that comes from knowing other families are experiencing similar pain.
Our tradition does have one place that gives hope. Eduyot, a collection of rare testimonies in the Mishnah, concludes with a legend, traced from generation to generation back to Moses on Mount Sinai: what is Eljiah the Prophet’s role? Is it to simply rule on ritual matters, like should we have four glasses of wine at seder or also drink the fifth? No. It is to bring an era of peace by “turning the hearts of parents towards their children to their parents” (Malachi 3:23-4).
For me, who sometimes struggled with Messianic hope, this legend brings me comfort in two ways: these conflicts are so hard that they need the closest thing the rabbis will allow to Divine intervention, and these flights are not new and not unique.
Broigus is carried by many families, in every generation. Your family, my family and indeed the Beckham family… we are not alone.
Rabbi Jordan Helfman is at Oaks Lane Reform Synagogue
Keep community journalism free.
Jewish News is free for everyone. No paywall. No barriers. Just trusted journalism for anyone who wants to stay connected to Jewish life in Britain.
If you value that, please support us.
From as little as £5 a month, you can help keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Every day, we report on the issues that matter to our community. We celebrate achievements, support charities, challenge antisemitism and ensure Jewish voices are heard more widely.
From as little as £5 a month, you can help us continue to:
- Report on the stories shaping Jewish life in the UK and beyond
- Bring our community together through shared stories, events and campaigns
- Celebrate the people, culture and moments that define our community
- Support organisations doing vital work across Jewish Britain
You can make a one-off donation or become a regular supporter. Every contribution helps keep our journalism free, independent and accessible to all.
If everyone who values Jewish News gave a small amount, it would make a real difference to our future.
